When it stops being what you want it to be, everything starts to lose meaning.<\/p>\r\n
When it\u2019s been a long time since you celebrated it, it\u2019s not worth it.<\/p>\r\n
When you start a project with your head down and the feeling that what tells you it\u2019s not going to go well is stronger than what says it will, that\u2019s not a good path.<\/p>\r\n
When others encourage you more than you do yourself.<\/p>\r\n
When you look through a glass and say, \u201cthat\u2019s not you,\u201d and you see yourself in a mirror and say, \u201cthat\u2019s not me,\u201d it\u2019s a painful \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
When you deceive yourself and think, \u201cjust a couple more games, just two,\u201d you probably shouldn\u2019t play them.<\/p>\r\n
When you pick something up without strength, lacking enthusiasm, sighing, overwhelmed, anxious.<\/p>\r\n
When you close your eyes and think there must have been a moment when you didn\u2019t know how to prioritize or let go.<\/p>\r\n
When you lose your excitement and strength. And you withdraw and curl up.<\/p>\r\n
When your smile fades and turns into worry, sorrow, and fatigue.<\/p>\r\n
When you confuse efficiency with shine.<\/p>\r\n
And when your eyes no longer shine like they always have. And you see that others see that you see it.<\/p>\r\n
When you trade the artisanal for the industrial, forget your inner craftsman, and stop working the material.<\/p>\r\n
When you lose that killer instinct in the last minutes where everything is decided, the moment when the ball is hot, and you, who are used to playing that last ball, pass it to someone else and sideline yourself, thinking, \u201cdon\u2019t let it come back to me.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
When you know that\u2019s not your game. And you have to even consider if it\u2019s your play.<\/p>\r\n
When you assume that without desire, you won\u2019t win.<\/p>\r\n
When your restlessness is about not getting worse, not about getting better.<\/p>\r\n
And you lose the power in which you have always lived.<\/p>\r\n
When you see that you can\u2019t find solace or refuge beyond doing \u201cother things\u201d and not these. And you\u2019re neither in this nor in that.<\/p>\r\n
And you forget to savor what\u2019s in front of you.<\/p>\r\n
When everything is urgent, nothing is.<\/p>\r\n
When your worth is the skill of getting by with scarcity.<\/p>\r\n
When it\u2019s strange, odd, confusing, messed up.<\/p>\r\n
When it doesn\u2019t hurt the way things need to hurt.<\/p>\r\n
When you don\u2019t see yourself like that anymore.<\/p>\r\n
When it doesn\u2019t connect the dots.<\/p>\r\n
When you polish something rough.<\/p>\r\n
When there\u2019s too much flourish.<\/p>\r\n
When you long for too many things you\u2019ve stopped doing.<\/p>\r\n
When it rains more inside than outside. When it\u2019s too reactive.<\/p>\r\n
When you sell your time to the highest bidder and it takes it over as if it were worthless. And you know you don\u2019t have much better than that.<\/p>\r\n
When you prostitute your essence and existence.<\/p>\r\n
When it was neat.<\/p>\r\n
When you were right.<\/p>\r\n
When you are there but you\u2019re not.<\/p>\r\n
And you realize your craft is closer to heresy than to the nobility you dreamed of. And you bruise yourself. And you end up being a specter of what you were.<\/p>\r\n
When you spend weeks, months, years telling yourself this will be the last dance.<\/p>\r\n
When the path decides for you.<\/p>\r\n
When you dream of verses and universes and wake up having left none of that close.<\/p>\r\n
When the alarm goes off and you don\u2019t want to keep doing what you\u2019ve been doing lately.<\/p>\r\n
Because it doesn\u2019t shine. It doesn\u2019t explore.<\/p>\r\n
When it doesn\u2019t smell like your perfume, nor have you ground it with care, and it doesn\u2019t taste like your roast, nor has it the cooking point you used to give it, nor is there a trace of your secret ingredient, nor have you cooked it thinking that every guest at the table is unique.<\/p>\r\n
When it tastes like filler.<\/p>\r\n
When the missing prize is to be you again.<\/p>\r\n
When you look far away and smile, and then look close and your expression changes, it\u2019s that this isn\u2019t what you want to do, but that is. What are you waiting for? You\u2019ve already decided.<\/p>\r\n
There\u2019s no trace of brilliance.<\/p>\r\n
It doesn\u2019t hurt to read.<\/p>\r\n
You don\u2019t write by hand.<\/p>\r\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not worth it.\u201d<\/p>\r\n
It doesn\u2019t sow.<\/p>\r\n
It\u2019s not worth it. It doesn\u2019t work. It\u2019s nothing.<\/p>\r\n
If it doesn\u2019t carry your mark, if it doesn\u2019t have your seal, if it doesn\u2019t bear your imprint\u2026 it doesn\u2019t take you to you.<\/p>\r\n
When you stop learning, it\u2019s utterly useless.<\/p>\r\n
When the little one asks if you\u2019re not going to play with him again today, you feel like a failure.<\/p>\r\n
When you stop enjoying, you stop being.<\/p>\r\n
When you stop enjoying, everything stops making sense.<\/p>\r\n